Broken Again

Broken Again..
I put my favorite music playlist on shuffle
And as always the songs that play
express my deepest emotions...
Knowing if I do the same things
the same results will be displayed
i still repeatedly do those same things hoping
but knowing change won't come
Tired of people playing with the strings of my heart i decided to
finally let go
Who am I kidding?
I ask myself as
Coltrane's Naima begins to play
it's my favorite melancholic mood muzik and
I must admit the sound that i hear is the same song that always seems to play
over and over again as though i have my life on repeat.
So i have decided to change the song
and when i do
i hear Mary J's Be Happy
realizing the only time I am truly happy is when I have decided to
embrace and love just  me.
Adding others to that mix often makes my life more complicated than it needs to be
Anita and The Winan's gave me hope to know
tomorrow is another day....
And that's something to be thankful for.
And I am.

Brokenhearted...

Holding my heart's pieces again
Tears streaming down my face
I realized yet again I made another mistake
I was seeing only what I wanted to c
I guess that is the reason that this has happened to me
Something my third eye did c
But i chose to ignore
I knew once I opened that door
that heartbreak was a possibility
However, i chose to walk thru anyway
I didn't care what anyone had to say
even though i should have listened
They say time heals all wounds but does it really?
Waiting for the day when it will finally heal me
What is wrong I often ask myself
Why do i let these things affect my health
I know my inner wealth
And i guess that's why I am brokenhearted
However, i knew when i first started
that it could go down this way
I ignored all of  the things my friends had to say
Cus i just knew I had all the answers
Now i realize after all is said and done that i really didn't
and must feel the consequence of not knowing
I guess that's the expression my face is now showing
The emptiness inside no longer feeling alive
I tried
and failed
i guess that's why my life derailed
however my growth wasn't curtailed
Cus i know better and will do better...
Next time.

Loving the view from here...

I finally know what i want in life
I know the type of support i expect
and won't accept anything less than that
why should i
for many years i've been with people that attracted
what they wanted in life
they got a great catch which was me
but can i say the same about them
hmm let me see..
i've dated the good guy and the bad  guy and have
gotten my heart broken my both
Only to realize that i accepted less than i should have
received
So now i am only pursuing those things and people
that please me
Looking at all my future prospects
 i am pleased
A win win choice finally
So no matter what choice I choose to make
I will be happy with my decision
Thats what happens when u clearly define what
u want to yourself
And pick only the options that best reflect
your inner wealth
So instead of loving those that love me
I also have to make sure they are the best
compliment
For surely even the stars cosign what will be
So i am going to sit back and see
just who is the best  compliment for me...
Then i will finally make my choice
In the meantime i am just enjoying the ride
Looking at all my prospects that reflect different
aspects of me inside
This time I am not going to run and hide...
Cus i am no longer afraid of success
Tired of all the mess i have come across
in order to figure it out...
I decided to take another route
Happiness is the key
And that's the path i decided will be
the one for me... 

Blessed

Since I decided not to settle
Oh how my life has changed
Everything in my life i had to rearrange and i must
say I love the new look
I had to turn a new page in my book of life
And I must say I am admiring the view
I began to c so many new people and ideas
I don't know what to do
So many choices and decisions
What is a girl to do...

Well I will start by taking my time and making
sure this time the choice that i make
Reflects my inner desires and wants
Finally aligned with my own lind
As i listen to the taunts of the past
paying attention making sure I don't make the same choices
that i made last
I guess that will be awfully hard since the prospects
have improved my lot has been enlarged
and the spoils of victory are great
I am free from pain and harm
No longer an arm charm
Respected and loved by many
I am blessed and thankful

Choose Life & True Love as a Companion

Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy
Or am I just being lazy
No longer up for a chase
Wondering if i got a taste of my own medicine
A hard pill to swallow
As i sit her and wallow in self pity

My heart seems to have a mind of its own
The more I tell her to leave u alone
She won't stop
Seems as though heart break is her lot in this life
I refuse to accept that
I thought maybe if i limited our chats
it would get the message

I was so wrong
No matter how long the distance, time, & space may be
She still doesn't want to listen to me
She has her own attachments that never make sense
Soon as i close the door guess who goes hopping over the back fence?
So i just let her go
Maybe after a few more heartbreaks she will know
that when i said No I meant No

A natural explorer she keeps wanting to go
So I let her do her
while I chase this cheddar to make our
life better.
She keeps running back in tears
Self fulfillment of past fears
However, she still won't  switch gears

What is wrong with her?
 I often ask myself
Can't she just see her inner wealth
And stop chasing those impossible dreams?
That all though how nice they may seem
its like building a building with no beams

No support
No real communication
A cessation of living the life she has imagined
because she is choosing to settle
Knowing this is not fully what she wants
You can hear her friends taunt her but
rather than extricate herself  she decided to fall deeper
Turned back into a weeper

Picking up ego's  pieces as she continues
handing out leases
to my heart
When is this madness going to stop
I guess there is nothing i can do cause its
even prevalent in my chart
I guess this lifetime is not about finding and maintaining
that perfect match for my  heart
Cus if it was i would have finally gotten it right
Love is nothing you should have to fight, for really
It should be given freely by the possessor of the heart
That's always how it starts out
Then after a couple of bouts
You reevaluate your decisions
and try to see the reason in your choices
Then  begin to realize that you are suffering cus u
listened to too many voices
You allowed the indecision to create incisions in your heart
thinking u are saving face u ignored the best part
Only to find that it wasn't a cure only a mask of the symptoms
to deep rooted issues
Trying to secure things that are out of reach
Not heeding the lesson life was trying to teach
Therefore i will now beseech you to open your eyes
And take notice of the great person that lies inside
Value u and who u are
u have come so far
 so don't give up now
Keep on going and if u get stuck I will show u how