E-Sensual Thoughts

Sitting here feeling you as though you were here
Thoughts running thru my head
holding on to every word u ever said to me imagining
the moment you gaze into  my eyes
As my temperature begins to rise
i feel the moisture in between my thighs
and I AM BREATHLESS
I Feel the heat emanating from your being
as you gently kiss me on my neck
Feeling your warm embrace
you undress
every garment that falls beneath my waist
 u spread my legs and dive in for a taste, of my cream
I begin to scream, your name repeating it over and over again
as i begin to beg for more
while whispering sweetly in my ear
"you grab me near"
You undress me paying each nipple special attention
no need to mention because visibly total submission can be seen through me
Mission complete
but How could this be?
As you  caress me
i become paralyzed by ur touch
fixated and bounded by your love
Totally surrendering my soul to u with every stroke
At that moment i realized everything said and unsaid was no joke
I felt every word our love making spoke,
volumes
As I lay in silence quaking from the after shocks
Post orgasmic pleasure
u uncovered my hidden treasure
 with pleasure this time, no shame
 my essence tatted with ur name
 a mental cerebral type of thing
And It all began, with u making love to my mind
u made my heart sing
your presence divine
all  my dreams become clear.
But yet I'm still Living in fear
Biggest Problem...
i am here and
You are now over there
So all i can do is conjure u in my mind
And Dream of you until that time...
(╯︵╰,)   ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶

My Heart: The Shirley Chisolm Effect (unbossed and unbought)

Letting down my guard to truly experience love has never been easy
But a man that is worth it will make it inevitable
My heart speaks to his vibrations
The sensations I feel when we connect
I feel as though the sun beams solely on ME! sometimes blinding me where I can no longer
see or feel Past hurts and upsets
Love in its purest form

I feel my heart growing warm
Melting the prison it has been locked in
Saying I love you and really meaning it
Knowing how much time it spent suspended in limbo refusing to beat
Because it had no reason to
I'm now able to say I love you
In a way that isn't forced
My heart still unbossed of course yet

It is freely choosing to love again
This time it chose to love a friend who has survived all storms
Tsunamis Typhoons and Hurricanes
Yet still seems to remember my name
I begin suffering from amnesia because
His touch and embrace erases all memory of past pain
Nothing profane in the love being shared
Still getting over my fear

I'm steady making progress
one step at a time
Honoring what life has brought acknowledging how my heart is still unbossed and unbought
yet it is choosing to love anyway!

Focused Thoughts

Realizing in every goodbye
there is a whisper of
hello to a piece of me that
Was lost
Situation that brings some to their knees
Causes me to stand tall
Realizing there is seasons to life winter spring summer and fall
You just have to weather the storms
Dress for the season
There is always a reason...
For every trial
Are u ready to swim some miles?
That's the question I ask these days
Especially when my heart has been dismayed
As those individuals fade to black
I realize what I lacked
Was something no one could give me
The love that I require requires consistency
Commitment
And discernment
I refuse to let my heart ferment
Thinking of time spent
Pondering if in some way did
I misrepresent my heart my purpose
Not losing focus
I walk with my eyes strongly fixed on the horizon
I keep rising
I continue to rise until all hurt feelings reside
Filled with pride
Knowing I wasn't the one that lied
I stayed true to me
Living out my highest equality
Remaining free of regret and guilt
Not crying over milk spilt
I know who I be and remain true to that
Knowing that it wasn't what I lacked
Just the Simple fact
I must more selective of who I attract.

Rebuiding Me

Using writing to heal me
I'm starting to c the patterns
That shape me
and my thoughts about love
Through the joy and the pain
The common theme that remained the same
is giving so much of me
Created every state of emotion
that surrounded my Relationship with he
My thoughts ...
my actions
The ignoring of the many infractions
All in the name of love
Tough it seemed
sometimes Because my heart always seemed
to c the good in bad situations
Realizing the vibrations changed
but my heart remained the same
Incarcerated fixated on
Unconditional love
The ups and downs the ins and outs
Thinking that this is what true love is all about
Forgetting the most important key
That's doing what compliments me
I humbly Await
This time not tempting fate
not only gaining the understanding
But living the truth this time
I made up my mind that I deserve so much better
Following my new found lesson
To the letter
I am healed
My heart will not be concealed this time
It will be proudly on display
I fast and pray
I make the right choices in the future
Making sure I do what suits her
You only have one heart
So I cannot
I will not
allow it to be torn apart ever again

Everybody Plays the fool?

Loving Myself...

Life changes
often rearranges how i feel
Complacency is a place where i refuse to rest
After all these test life seems to put me through
But I am no fool
nor am i anyone's doormat
Many days I just sat still
and thought about
where i was going
where i was coming from
and how I got
and will I get to
where I need to be?
I apologized to my heart
this time on bended knee
hoping this time it will forgive me
for making the same stupid choices
i made in the past
hoping that this one time the first would be last
and finally the last would
be first
Am I cursed?
Today is mother's day
Ironically today i  give birth to a new me
I am still going by the name of Equality
its just that the new me
is really free this time.
i think i need to print up some signs
to let people know
that this girl over here
had time to grow
and is starting to c the seeds bloom that were planted
way back when I learned how to sow...
Its harvest season
so u know
u can tell by the fruit
blossoming in the sun
I had enough of all the games
they weren't my idea of fun
I thought u were the one
i must of been mistaken
When u inquired about my heart
I should of told u it was taken.
I guess it would of saved me from breaking it again
Lesson learned
I'm ready to move on with my life.
Realizing being somebody's wife may not be the way for me.
Upset that my heart had to be broken into a million pieces for me to c.
Can't complain because in the end my eyes are wide open
and now i c what i am supposed to c.
The only one I need in my life is me!

Emotions

Emotion runs deep
Plunging into the ocean
Almost drowning to wake up
and become blinded to today's
reality
That things are a lot harder than it initially seemed
How could the situation of my dreams
turn into a nightmare
As I sit and stare at this same wall
Wondering How did I fall from grace
Looked in the mirror and realized who
i really needed to face
I had to give myself a taste of my own medicine
Realizing how I have to be just as consistent as I want
others to be
How else can I be who I say I be
A heavy burden to carry

 

Shape Up or Ship Out!

A wish granted
Now what?
The newness has worn off and the real work
must be done
I can tell u now  it's not always gonna be fun
Do u have what it takes to make it last
Can u complete a task u have begun?
Lesson number 1
the importance of maintaining the balance
u said u was up to the challenge
Now show n prove
i admit u have a lot to lose by not carrying through
u should of thought about that when u decided to woo me
u thought u could chew and consume me
and i would be yours just like that...
think again
if that's the case i'd rather us just be friends
cus that is not the path i decided to take
no matter how my heart may ache
i must do this for my dignity's sake

Unhappily Ever After, Again?

in trying to find answers

i got even more lost

something about not seeing the forest for the trees

some situations have the ability to bring u to ur knees

bid u adieu

or even

make u at ease

love sometimes can be a tease

especially when one

forgets that it's we and

not just me

in a relationship

I almost had a fit

Then I had to learn to let go

Even though my heart

Mind body didn't want to do so

Somethings just have to be done

Life changes

people that were so familiar

have now become strangers

Its as if u never knew them

Wondering why did your heart even choose them

to begin with

Disappearing in a fine mist

leaving me with no one to speak my language

Feeling the anguish

I decided to finally let go

See what the future decides to show this time.

Cloaked Thoughts

i find myself at a crossroads in life
pondering a choice between present and future
the present is familiar but it isn't always pleasant
the future is cloaked in the unknown 

Wondering what threads
would adorn me today

As i look through my wardrobe
I pick out the best outfit that suits me

Something not so tight
Fitting just right

At least I thought i picked the right outfit tonight
But somehow now that I step outside of the house
everything doesn't look alright anymore

The way the outfit laid on my curves
Got on my nerves

So I went home and changed

Now this new outfit...
Well lets just say I got to get used to
the way it flows

But the nods i get when I step outside
this girl knows
she looks fine

Now i know u know this poem has nothing
to do with clothes it represents
my mind.

Back On Point

tear drenched cheeks
fear begins to speak
louder today
than yesterday
feeling the change in seasons
so no reason to cry
it will all be followed by the teasings
the i told you so's and pleadings
How did i get back here?
at a place i vowed to never return to
i had once made up my mind to divorce
the entire concept of love
just because i am sick and tired of the games involved
change names
still the same
nobody got time for all of that
time to grab my life back
out of loves hands
because if  i  don't no telling where i will land
this last time i was caught up
it was  as though i was in
quick sand
lesson learned
 watch what hand
u take
to lead u to freedom
cus right now
my heart is bleeding
i toldja so season in full effect
getting my feelings in check
I was caught slipping
yeah i know i was tripping
B.u.t. I'm back on point

Moonbeam

Moonbeam
Social commotions
Leads to mixed emotions
About my Being
Am I seeing
things clearly?
or am i merely
creating a fantasy image?
So vivid
So real
that i feel
it’s the real thing when it really isn't
or maybe it is
when we are together i feel like we're little kids
having fun living out our inner most desires
so safe to say they were all liars
when they said
there is no such thing as true love
this one seems to have been sent from above
i have come to realize that chivalry was
dead a long time ago
yet this one had decided to show me
that just wasn't so
And He did it with the love that He showed
I was taken aback
to realize and know
that my calcified thinking just had to go
There was no way for us to grow 
until i divorced everything i know and thought i knew
much to my surprise he was making me all over brand new

At first I was startled by the changes b.u.t. with all the
rearranges i began welcoming 
all changes
strange as it seemed
I welcomed Him on my team
Smiles gleam
The moon beams
True love so it seems

Equilibrium

Love and Pain
go hand and hand
Like man and woman
Lonely thoughts give way
to Love's embrace
Only to have it all thrown back into
ones face
A bitter taste
after
tasting the syrupy sweet
Being swept off my feet
Only to be dropped
Heart stopped
A feeling of being caught
between a rock
and hard place
I braced for a fall and realized
that thud
Never happened
Life in closed caption
Words expressed 
in broken translations
Heart sensations
Resisting temptations
Because I am stronger than that
So I sat
and thought about my actions
One of Life's infractions
 Realizing true satisfaction
Is
Quality over Quantity
Not allowing just anyone inside of me
Not upsetting the balance is key
on maintaining Equality
Follow me?

You're in Good Hands

I was once afraid to explore the deep recesses of love
I was convinced to dwell on the banks
I always thought I really knew what love was and what
It meant to love someone
Boy was I wrong
I never knew the deep intimacy involved
The exploration of what caused my heart to palpitate
So my heart and mind finally resonating
a sense of unifying with my higher self

Petrification
Describes how I felt
When asked, my closest friends they said do as u shalt
No resistance encountered

As each day goes by
We draw closer and closer
Emotional roller coaster
One that I don't want to get off because
I c the larger picture
And it’s worth the cost

I put away the need to always be the boss
But of course
If it’s needed I know how to retrieve it
I really like the way he has me feeling
Constantly revealing more of who I am
With no fear
insight

Especially that night
When he made everything alright
In fact he knows the importance of
Communication

The sensation I get when I hear his voice
As I ponder in my mind did I make a good choice?
Then he always does something that cosigns my original
sentiment
He is a gentleman
to say the least
He had the authority to tame my inner beast
The one that comes forward to keep certain people back
Making sure my heart stays in tact

He had a way of keeping all that at bay
Then I remembered all those nights I stayed up to pray
To send this type of man my way.
So I stopped with all that too good to be true jazz
and realized that sometimes the first is last and the last is first
He is your reward for your rebirth

You have been on a continuous journey throughout  life
And if you pay close attention at all the times you didn't seem to
get just  right.
There was always someone better along the road that made things
alright.

So tonight
Erase all fears
It's ok to take another route
And this time realize
 this is your reward for all of your bouts
So there's no need to doubt
You’re in good hands 

Thank You (Paintbrushes)

At one time I thought the world was black and white
Until you let me use your paintbrushes
and then I began to c
that the world had colour
and color in it.
So many combinations from pink to blue
I decided to take the colors that I had
discovered
and  paint my world all over
new
I suggest that u do the same too
cus the colors that paint my reality
are just so pretty to me
Get you some paintbrushes and u will c
How adding more vibrant colors to your life can be.

SILLY??? NOT!

 Silly - Deniece Williams
I am not silly
No matter how many times my friends begin to sing that song to me
That is not something I can ever be
I made sure I did
All of the things to guard me
in this instance
so even if he is distant
i am protected
I am comfortable with keeping the company of me
i define me whether he is beside me or not
So, NO!
I AM NOT SILLY!

in for the long haul...

New Focus
New Plan
Same Man
If anyone can make changes i certainly can
I will try my hand at a different approach
Aligned with the right coach
i can tackle any obstacle
No problem is too big or too small
I will tackle them all
with the same tenacity
If anyone has the audacity
to doubt how sincere I am
Let the Games begin!
If you feel the need to put my love to the test
I have no choice but to manifest
how real it really is
I am always game for a pop quiz
In the end you are going to find out what it is
And what it has always been 
I am not going anywhere my friend.

Can't Go Against Nature...

Indecision Breeds
Missed opportunities
or so u were told
in the days of old
that may have held true
but today 
what does it say?
Out of desperation some may hold on
waiting for their number to be called
I won't be one of those that fall for that trap
I am glad I had the opportunity to get my life on track
I got rid of a few of those baggage sacks
Realizing how they ravaged my life
Vowing to take over full control
taking it all back
In fact,
I had to beg and plead to keep things intact
was it self esteem that i lacked?
or was i just full of love for you?
is that wrong?
Having a love so strong
that you prolong the pain of not having what you
truly desire
Hearts on fire
Knowing deep down that you may be nothing more than a liar
Am I comfortable being lied to by u?
How do I suppose to know if that is how you truly feel
if your actions always reveal
something different
as u place me on the shelf from time to time again
Am i just someone u can laugh and joke about to your friends?
When I make amends that means I want to start all over again
No one likes to lose one of their most cherished friends...
Is it a sin to feel the way I do about u
As simple as 1 and 1 makes 2
Is how easy it is for me to love u
the way that i do
This isn't fun at all
every time i take that fall
i can here the laughter at my embarrassment
hating to fall especially in the sight of others
I decide to take cover this time
Hiding in plain sight
I realized this feeling isn't something I can fight
How can the moon decide not to reflect the sun's light?

In the Meantine....

Hearts that have been cracked
and put back together again
have a way of beating to a different tune
It never seems to have the same rhythm it had before
I guess because some of the parts were indeed shattered and scattered about the floor
As i explore, deeper
I realize it is apart of a security system
One put in place to keep the heart resilient
Well in my new found resiliency
I don't allow anyone the opportunity to occupy me or get that close to me again.
You even have to be careful with the ones u call your "friend"
barriers and walls in place
I retraced my tracks and made sure I picked up all slack
I am Stopping any feelings from ever coming back
As i retrace the steps of my  heartbreak
One  fear that I can't seem to face nor erase
is going back to that lonely place
I was just stopping off for a minute
didn't see how i could get so caught up in it
what matters right now is that i am free
I'd be damned if I allow anyone to take my liberty
away from me..
 I'm just gonna wait until all the smoke clears
and see what it is going to be
In the meantime I am just going keep doing me

Suck It Up....

I had to make amends with Confidence yet again
cus I allowed Ego to come in again.
This time Confidence wasn't as resilient as they were
in the past
And decided this was the last straw
No more did he want to be confronted
by Ego again
And decided to end our friendship

Wallowing in self despair
I looked in the mirror and just stared
past all the pain
all the hurt
and realized
He was right

Why should he have to put up a fight
with someone that just didn't seem to get things right

I thought I was worth at least that
Boy was I wrong

Pop in some Ne-Yo songs
I suck it up and get over it...

Incarcerated by love unrequited...

My mind had me imprisoned
I must have lost my vision
b.u.t. somehow remained on track
Looking back
I see the mistakes I made
Realizing I am the one who played
Myself
Why squander so much r inner wealth?
I thought so my heart I sought
I took it back down off the shelf
dusted it off and decided to hold it myself, this time
My heart may be a little battered but it’s intact
All the heartache I was carrying I sent back
From whence it came
My heart is tamed a lil bit maimed
b.u.t. it ticks just the same
As it did when he first said my name
How lame u may think to carry memories of he
But if I didn't how good would I be
To block the memories of someone that made me Happy
This is crappy
I can't forget him
I can't forget his smile
So I will just sit here for awhile
Until he gets out of my system

speeding up the clock

I feel like i'm living on neptune
Maybe the things i said i spoke too soon
Not wanting to leave my room
curled up in a ball on my bed
not feeling alive but knowing i'm not dead
even though my body feels like lead
a hole in my heart healing as we speak
Nursing it back isn't as easy as u think
Pondering on how did i fall this deep
It was as though i was in a comatose sleep
I finally awake
and see all the steps necessary to take
me back to a place of contentment
realizing all the new commitments
needed to be made
cus i decided i can no longer be a slave
to love
and behave this way
wishing i could smile
knowing its going to take awhile
I know that time heals all wounds
just wishing that time will come real soon

uNtitLED

My heart aches knowing u can just erase
me from your life
heart feeling like its been cut up with a knife
but i know i will be all right
How could I have let someone in 
under the guise of being a friend
penetrate the walls of my heart within?
My defenses were apparenly down
every time they so happened to come around
Now I am being clowned
cus i didn't back down
when i was told
To old to be going thru this
wondering how did i miss
all the symbols and signs
walking around blind
didn't see what was coming
how empty of me to be so full of he
a place i vowed i'd never be
and was living there all along

Rose Colored Glasses Please!

Adding further insult to injury
another jab at she
To help her wake up and realize
that there is some more soul searching
she has to do and more to c
You see life has a way of throwing
curve balls your way
So that u may begin to c what
your rose colored glasses didn't reveal.

We all sometimes have a tendency to  c
only what we want to c
Creating a reality shrouded in fantasy
However,  those glasses
tend to fall off
Then u realize in some cases u  were better off
taking another course
of action
Such a deep attraction
Based on what?
Was there real sustenance
Or did your mind create that?
U sit back and ponder on every aspect
of the way u c and saw things
Alarm bell rings
U begin to realize u were living a dream
So far from reality
Only going on images of the way things used to
be
how they used to smile 
He never even knew the real u
nor did u ever really know he
either
I guess he needed a breather

Cus obviously
her glasses couldn't make him c
Just how special he was to she
So she cried
B.u.t. this time it only made her stronger
Cus she knew the pain wouldn't endure
too much longer
It was a pain she had gotten used to
However, this time instead of her heart
turning cold like it used to
It became warmer a feeling she could do
This time she is much wiser now
No longer needing a shoulder to cry on
She just turns on her favorite get over him song
and remembers how good she was feeling all along
She then takes out her favorite rose colored glasses
And begins to remember the happy times
his beautiful smile
and Those are the memories she decided to file
Cus this time around
She has learned that life is what u make it
A person can only shatter your heart
if you allow them to break it
This time she chose to keep it intact
At this stage in her life if her heart breaks again
She's not sure if I can ever put it back
And that is an Actual Fact

Fairy tale friendships don't exist either

This time I'm not going to ask u to take back what u said
Playing your words back in my head
I decided to move on instead
Battling with ego after my heart has been destroyed
is the main reason why I am annoyed
right now
I feel like I made a clown of myself
Like I squandered all my inner wealth
on somebody that didn't even know me
What are hat the higher powers trying to show me
That I can get along with out he?
Well I already knew that.
That's not the message I was looking for
In fact
I thought things were suppose to be better after
all was said and done
Then why am I feeling so glum?
I guess the ending of confusion must of been
pertaining to you
Cus I am the one in the fog
walking around like i have no clue
Trying to figure out what next to do
Vexed cus I was offered
No explanation so I can later ponder and c
what exactly did I do to he
other than express myself on how I would
rather our communing be
If something like that is enough to make u go
then u go do u
I guess I really didn't know u
as your ways and actions did show
Only one choice left  for me
and that is to Grow
from this experience
Once I figure out how this all makes sense


Fairy Tales -Anita Baker

Some things are better left unsaid...

The hardest choice I ever had to make
I made today
Walking away is hard
especially when you are not the originator of
the thought
what this storm in my life has brought and taught
Is a new prespective on life
I learned that its alright to not get things right

It seems no matter who I find they have a hard time
processing thoughts that originate from my mind
I know I am one of a kind
Priceless
is how I would define me
Its so hard for me to let anyone get inside me
Especially that last one that tried to be

I am Equality
I believe in no big I's or little u's
I'm the one that does the choosing not
the one u can can choose
I always win even win I lose
Who are these fools
that think otherwise?
Don't believe the hype its all lies.
I told u that u would be in for a surprise
if u had the ability to hang onto this ride
Many have tried
with wisdom as a guide
Learnt never to confide the contents of my
insides (my innermost thoughts)
Never tell anyone what it is u really want

Misunderstanding's Understanding

To be understood is the greatest feeling to have
I never been fully understood
Maybe I am just like the people that I don't understand
No matter how expressive I think I am people
constantly misinterpet my intent
My energies have been spent
explaining my thoughts and feelings
However, none of these explanations seem to help me
in my dealings
In the least bit
The fact remains that after losing people in your life
there is an ample time and space for self reflection
you begin to ponder every single inflection
to see where u went wrong
Wondering how long
must one endure heartache knowing that
they somehow was the cause of their pain
Name tatted on my heart
Sad u had to part
Here I am back at Start
Tired of  hurting those i truly care about
Pondering an alternate route
to heaven...

A Hard Head Makes a Soft Bottom

Lesson learned
Expressing the contents of your heart
is the quickest route to having it broken
Some things are better left unsaid
why doesn't my heart feel alive
it feels dead
As i replay what was said over and over in my head
I am starting to realize that the heart doesn't
have a mouth for a reason
Its contents should be kept under lock and key
Especially if u don't want to happen to u
what happened to me
u c
This time I vow to never forget what i have learned to c
and what this situation has revealed to me
No matter how many warnings given
i still made that decision
to share what was within 
Only to reap the same results
I forgot about in the beginning
They say a hard head makes a soft bottom
especially when u have all the answers to your problems
and still can't solve 'em



Mary J Blige -Hurt Again

Another Chance

Looking back on life I ponder on
ways that I could of made my life better
and I  decided to implement those things now
At first i was confused about how i was going
to go about this
I realized in life I haven't always gotten what i wanted
because i wasn't always proactive
Fact is
i kinda allowed people in my life to plan my path

Realizing that i should have held the reigns tighter
it was clearly time to implement change
My entire life had been rearranged
New Epiphany: 
You can no longer spend your life doing things in response
to others
If u do people will look at u strange
In fact to be quite successful u have to be the
selector of  the next route on your path

Somewhere along the way
when I stopped to smell the flowers and lay in the grass
I allowed someone to give me wrong directions
and i went down the wrong path
that is how the first ended up last

u c this is when u listen to what the wrong one has to say
Cus the path that they suggested only seemed to work for them
I didn't even see a single friend
I realized then
that i must turn around
I retraced all of my missteps
and realized the best part of life has yet to be had
And boy was I glad
to think that my life would have ended that way
would of been so sad



 

Ode to the Earth

the beauty of earth
provides nourishment protection
and a place
to call your own
Resilient, forgiving
are two words that come to mind.
Along with the sunshine
it becomes the sustainer of life
Its a wonder why Man won't take the time
to do her right. 

Haiku (Children at Play)

Life's greatest pleasure
Listening to children play
It makes my heart sing

Haiku (Setting the Bar High)

I'm not conceited
I rather have the bar high
I am a winner

Haiku (New Threads Needed)

Why do I allow
My heart to be ripped to shreds
Time for some new threads

Lessons of Life and Love

I just want
to be loved
to be understood
to have someone love me
as deep as i showed love for he
to find the one with the key
that can unlock the inner workings of me
He would have the ability to see thru all of
the facades

I've ceased wanting to be at odds
with who I was
and who I have become
I am a work in progress and he will know and undertand
that we all are.
He would have come as far or even further on this journey of love.
And would be willing to weather any storm

However,
The only thing that I seem to have trouble with
is determining
just how far I should go
to wait for this relationship to grow to a point
where there is mutual understanding.
I have walked up so many landings
and realized that Langston
was some sort of prophet
One thing I never found out was how can
We Stop It.
Stop the sharp turns around the corners on the steps of life

It has been a hard knock life, indeed.
However, in love its hard for me to just sit down
So I must take it in good stead 
I cannot sulk about the rough patches.
No complaining about the doors with no handles or latches

Meanwhile, steadily turning down all the good catches.
Yet always wanting to complain
that there aren't any good men left in the world.

They are there!

They were the ones that opened the doors for you
and even pulled out the chairs 
However, you felt they were just too nice
and didn't really care
for them in that way
They were the first ones there willing to give solid advice
But you'd rather chase the unavailable
the unattainable
Wanting the ones that Constantly leave you wondering
 if u mean anything at all to them

New Conclusion
There is no future in the title of  being
"Just A Friend"
Don't let me even begin
and,
These are the "men" you rather have in your life?
Treating you like a tramp and not as a wife?

I tell ya
I am done with all those types
I am only dealing with those that don't have those gripes
I think i have finally gotten it right
It was indeed a fight
to gain that type of insight
that only comes from true self respect
Not chasing after his checks
living by this wisdom shall surely help

B.u.t. Nowadays,
how u treat me is how I will respond in kind.
A high mountain for some to climb
b.u.t. one I'm undoubtedly ready for
I have learned to love
but now
always loving me more
tired of my heart being sore
My happiness is what I am willing and ready to explore
This is one thing I am sure and certain of.
My ode to the life lessons of love

Consistency

Attributed to Love

Love looks like
two people sharing
laughter, passion and life
Love taste like
chocolate syrup and whipped cream
It feels like
lovers intertwined on a sandy
secluded tropical beach
It sounds like
sweet words whispered
at the right time
It smells like
Grandma's sweet potato pie
It's why I live
why I cry
It's the reason I am still alive.

Right Track

Call me emotional
Maybe I am
because I know where I am going
and I know where I've been
Not trying to walk that path of heartbreak again
My heart has been broken by family, lovers and friends
No choice but to begin all over again
Mending all the pieces to my heart
Getting my life back on track
Making sure this time i keep my dignity intact
In fact this time i have decided to no longer share
my heart or the contents within
I know i've said this time and time again
But this time i really mean it
I've seen it shattered many times before
sometimes i wasn't able to pick up all the pieces from
off the floor
some of it got caught in the cracks
Some got swept away out back
Didn't know what was in store for my future
with a half broken heart.
This time not finishing what I did start
I decided not to stick around.
Tired of being clowned
for the poor choices I've made and continue to make
Realizing all that is at stake
every time decisions are made
I feel like a slave
to love
more like a stunt double
as though i must go and endure
all the pain
Meanwhile love gets to bask in all the glory and and fame attributed
to the emotion
whereas I get to walk around with a shattered heart
trying to piece it together like a jigsaw puzzle
This time i'll make sure i use a muzzle
Since my heart gets easily attached to the wrong type of
individuals
My heart suffering the consequences of my choices
not liking the residuals
I finally am in a position where it finally rejoices

So this time I dare not to gamble.
or listen to all the voices
that left my life in shambles
I'm going to just love me
And see where that takes me.

Mending back the pieces

Sitting in the same bed
same position
same thoughts swimming thru my head
They say when u do the same things expect the same
results
To think anything else would transpire is pure insanity
So with that being said
I truly must be insane
I was told that I should just forget u, your name
and go on with my life
I guess it would be the ideal thing to do
Especially when its as though I am in this alone
No longer waiting by the phone or any of the silly rituals
that accompanied that old behavior
realizing that will only bring me more despair
How dare I allow he
to monopolize so much of me and
my mental capacity?
Blocking out all blessings because i rather be with
someone that shows me
they aren't worthy to be with me
or is it that I am not
worthy to be with them?
Needing to wakeup and smell the morning coffee
brewing
realizing the things i've been ensuing
are just me living in a fantasy illusion
Tired of banging my head on the same wall
 I decide that the best
route of all is the one in which i cannot fall
And all though i may have to trod it alone
its all good
Atleast i will be spared the pain
that i feel everytime I have realized that i have lost my way
So this time I have nothing to say...
Too busy patching up the pieces to my heart.

Never happy when things end before they even start.

Organic Apple Picking Season

Finally letting go of all attachments that
have proven to be no more than
Restraints...
Learning to know which battles are actually
worth the fight
Its as if a light has finally come on
and casted a light on all that was hidden in the darkness
as soon as my eyes have adjusted
I  realized that my surroundings were unfamiliar
I felt I didn't belong however that familiar song
kept playing in the background soundtrack of my life
Mariah's Always Be My Baby
on repeat
tears dropped from my eyes
and i cried and cried
like i never cried before
because the theme that played
 was way too familiar
a song that i have gotten tired of living over and over
again
Different times
different friends
but the feeling remained
true
that i will always feel the way
i felt the first time  i expressed myself to u
Once I realized that I can't compete
and also noting that if i could
i still would
opt not to
It's Not that I don't feel for u
I just learned to feel for me more
I learned my ins and outs and finally know what
i can live with
and without
Heart ache is one of the things i realized
I don't need
No explanation needed
i can read
btwn the lines
u are truly one of a kind
I am too
and no matter
how much searching u or i do
u'll neva find anyone as true as i was to u
or u to me
So many fish in the sea
But its apple picking season for me
Rather than grabbing the ones on the ground
i'll pick the highest one up
on the highest branch in the
tree
That is the apple that will bring out the best in me
No holes, no worms just as perfect as can be!
The apple that i choose will be of the highest organic quality...
No pesticides, GMO's  and free to love me  and his actions will  show
just that...
Actual Fact!