Growing Pains

Growing up is never easy
Fantastic thoughts tease me
While i imagine how u can please me

Can u please me the way that i
please myself?

or maybe even better?

I am prepared to weather any storm
or at least i thought so
There were a few things that i needed to know in order
to make such a declaration

Hesitation
only doing whats best
im beyond the point of giving possible suitors test
Put all my games to rest

Decided to live the best life for me
It may include u
It may not
But rotating is one thing i wont stop doing

Its just that now I'm pursuing
things that are going to totally complete me
Things that make me truly Happy!

Life's Journey

Reshaping my future
Reshaping my mind
Making sure my mind as
well as my body is totally refined
Let's rewind to a time
where I was in synch
what people  post sometimes makes u ponder and think
Are you living out your fullest potential or
are you just along for the ride?
In order to answer that I had to take a step on the
other side
Searching for the reasons why
i felt the need to hide
Somewhere between the lies that were told
Today outdated and old
So no longer can they take hold of me
I have grown thru deciding not to change who i be
because of what he did with she
that doesn't even concern me
why you ask
I decided not to take up the task
of carrying a burden to heavy to bear
Why would I dare?
Better yet why would i even care?
I would be too busy doing what pleases me in my life
Yes Iyanla was right!
In all of her books I read
my life has cosigned what she said
As I grow from every experience
I hope those listening are really
hearing this
'Cus I am proud of my life's achievements
I've seen it all from ladies and gents
to hustlers and pimps
However, I still remain who i was, am and always will be
And that's the best knower of me
One who strives for righteousness and Equality
Picture that after all that I still have the sight to see
the right path for me in my life
And I am prepared for the rest of this journey
so ready to take flight.
 
 

Life Giving Water

I know it appears that I am having a hard time
making up my mind
However that isn't the case this time
I have made up my mind and my heart
But this is when the hard part comes in
Cus that borders on the line of being friends
and lovers
U know frolics under the cover
I had a talk with my mother
She was encouraging of me pursuing my dreams
Sometimes the end result is not what it seems she warned
when i imagined it
It was like a fire was lit
a flame within my soul
the eternal ember of light
Began shining real bright
to the point where it blinded me
where i couldn't c
the blessings that stood there it just
couldn't be
Really like a magnet we attract?
So why couldn't u tell me that awhile back?
Why did u let it come to this?
A time where i just want to ball up my fist
and punch a wall sometimes
Cus I have some how resolved in my mind
u will never be mine
Seems like time
has repeated itself
Spoiled again cus i didn't realize the value of
my inner wealth
I retreat to my haven of solitude
I don't mean to be rude at all
Sometimes when i take a fall
i need time to heal again and correct my steps
Conjure up the strength of Hatshepsut
A new breath of Air
I take my chair and imagine it's a throne
I decide what tone I want my life to take
and play the songs of my life like they have
never been played before
Once i finally reach the door that leads
to my happiness
After taking all the test
that were given to me
I fall to my knees humbly 
admitting when i fall short of the Glory of God
every single time I feel the Rod of the error of my ways
My wisdom and retreat displays
That even I admit to at times being dismayed
i am not perfect I make mistakes
However, I am still here willing to do whatever it takes
to ensure that my heart doesn't break like it has in the past
Crying like Job screaming about the first being last
Alas! the realization the last will only be first when 
they put in the work
Its not about hocus pocus 
or being a jerk
Its about gaining understanding 
and using discernment 
and most importantly not allowing 
things to ferment 
The lessons learned is to
be proactive in all areas of life
Then only then u will know for sure 
that u will be all right
U won't have anymore of those sleepless
nights
Insomnia a thing of the past cus at this point
first will be the last and the last will be first
Just look at all those mishaps as a time to 
rehearse
Remember Always Put U First
Once u are full u can help others quench their thirst



 

6

I've entered a newer phase in my life
I have a new endeavor
As Thoreau spoke
I am embarking on living the life I
have imagined
This time I am doing it my way
Not letting any distractions come
I know the mistakes of yesterday
So Everyday when I arise I am given an opportunity
to recreate myself anew
Not really brand new
B.u.t. finally expressing my power to choose
the hells that I have created
By loving those that didn't want to be loved
so hard
That at times I became starved

So I put myself on timeout
No I'm not angry just needed time to figure
it all out
I am the one that has to live with myself
at the end of the day
I'll come around someday...
I always do
One thing that's true whatever
Good things I said I meant them and they were all true
And maybe even some of the bad ones
When I balance it all out
I still have no doubts
I am glad that I had a chance
to spend a moment in time with you
Must admit part of my dream came true
That was the part when I actually connected with you
Not even trippin when u do u
Even down to the joking we do
Is the reason why I feel this is unsavory
for me to do
So all those things you're thinking may be totally
untrue
Especially if u think what i feel for u
has changed
Maybe it has
and i just don't know
So until the unknown is known
I will end this poem
and get on with my life
But this time  in doing so i will ensure I'm doing it right
I promised myself this tonight
I will focus on me
The way it should have been and always
should be
I have to live out the highest level of Equality
cus that is no other than me
the only person I can be
 

Can I talk to you for a minute...?

I have come to a realization that
I hate when I am wrong
when it comes to matters of the heart
Cus always from the start I can feel the outcome
but never know how to depart
until its too late
at that time we are calling one another ingrates
because being hurt the only thing one knows
how to do is hurt
harboring anger and resentment
to another indvidual
because u allowed urself to be deceived?
However, if u looked closely under their sleeve
u would of saw the web they weaved.
a trap for u
only triggered by when u don't know
exactly what u want to do or want in life
I am glad I was spared the agony of my choice
Glad I raised my voice at the precise
time
Right before i lost my mind over them
Realizing some people are better off as friends
Especially when u can't define who they are in
the beginning
save u from sinning
U know wasting ur time of mindless
pursuits.
Us getting together at this rate who will it really suit?
Only u in the end?
I gave away all my power
i didn't know how to act
was giving away so much always wondered what
 were u giving back?
Communication we certainly lacked
Am i reading into things more than i should
Didnt want to live a life of coulda  woulda shoulds
so i decided to be good
was on my p's and q's
nothing but silence didn't know what to do
Was it that u preferred ur life without me in it.
I know u'll get back in a minute
Just know whichever way it was
or will be is is cool with me
Cus no mater what ur decision
 i will be who i be
and that's Equality
one of  the many attributes of me
u c they all make up the in and outs
Without them i doubt
u will be able to talk about me.
Cus I am all that u c
as well as somethings that you don't
One thing I won't
do is say
I can when I won't

I am sometimes too raw and unadulterated
to some thats why I am sometimes hated
However, I'm not mad
I really am glad
cus I know anything that I was engaged in
i gave everything I had.
So I am never sad.
Sometimes I may get mad
B.u.t. everyone has their bad days
don't act amazed
Like my days are different than your's
We all follow the same laws.
What goes up must come down
However, that is how the lost became found
And I was awaken to myself
It started with this natural thirst
I resisted
I almost missed it with my stubborness
I must confess
This life giving water is the best
i've ever tasted
thats why i am so careful
cus i don't want to waste it
by casting my pearls before swine.
So i will sit back until that time and unwind
 to a place where my audience is conducive to receiving
 the blessings that I have received
Where people aren't afraid to sometimes follow my lead
that's the way i wish to proceed
Don't boss me around like I am ur seed.
This is a warning please take heed...

Answer me this...

If I told you directly how i feel
why are u still in so much doubt
i'm ready to go another route
because i don't know how much i can take
i didn't anticipate any of this at all
i knew since last fall that this would be full of
problems
however i was willing to solve em
cus i wanted to be with u
b.u.t. at what cost?
My self respect remains intact
despite the fact
that i almost fell into that age ole trap
that i thought i mastered
sometime awhile back
This time i promised myself that i would go slow
And thru that process i got to grow
and c what works and what doesn't work for me
I needed someone to fully acknowledge who i be
and respect it
Instead of just giving me light and expecting me to reflect it
I have my own light too I already checked it
Sometimes it shines as bright as ur light in the day or as
bright as the moon at night  as it it reflects
So  i correct my ways and actions
basic addition and subtraction
Now I feel complete 
I am now able to compete
On a level playing field
Question is are you?

My Poetry Story

I used to look to outside influences
for inspirations to write
That was before last night
I decided that I have enough self love
(the main ingredient for being able to write what i write)
to carry my thru
while i do what i do best
to my life breath 
My poems will manifest me
I forgot how my old poems used to talk about the lil things sometimes as small as 
the way i breathe
Pages filled with how i love life
 and how things i sometimes cleave to
no longer holds the meaning it once had
However, I am still Glad
Elevate Elevating Elevation
Words that keep that resonating making me want to ascend
Realizing all life's blessings
I have received
And I am truly thankful
Thankful for my family and friends
Even for being someone's wife
it may have brought me much strife
B.u.t. it gave me another  reason to share my life
its also the reason I decided to chronicle my rise
So glad u are still along for the ride...
Watching as I tackle my life from every angle all sides
my pride, tears, pain, & story reflected in my work
full of glory
I continue to heal and rebuild me inside
Telling my story

Another Untitled Piece

Life has so many twist and turns
The moment u think u have it all figured out
Everything changes at a drop of the dime
Every single time I tell ya

So today I decided to watch the world
as the world watched me
If u listen closely i will tell u what i c
and what I saw

Next door from me I saw things that made
me question life
Downstairs I wondered what I would
do if I didn't have God in my life

No sense pondering on that
I thought as I sat
Cus I do
Its not the same one that u have
Cus mine keeps me from doing what's
bad

Whether he is mad or glad
He makes me feel like I'm the best
he has ever had
I never had him nor could I
He can't be contained
Even though people constantly
try to rename him
I know who he is,
was and I am awaiting to see who
he will be
My Equality

So I think
therefore I am and so is he
Forever loving me
In his special way
assuring me even if am ever far away
He will be just a phone call away
to say
Hey!
How are you doing today?
As though we just talked the other day

Remember April and May
Me and You got carried away
The way we relate sometimes
we don't have to say
A word...
B.u.t. know every word unspoken was somehow heard
Say Word?!

Word is Life
Word is Bond
I certainly c this today
Loving and appreciating life every day
I love waking up being able to say 
I feel good
Cus I do

Another Great Lesson Learned

You think you have me all figured out
I laugh at the thought because we never
had the conversation
So how are you so sure about my relations
So many hesitations is just an excuse to me
I have no time for that so i decided to do me
Always asking everyone else never asking me
and you wonder why you still don't know Equality
I'm standing right in front of you
but you still can't seem to c
What I represent is sometimes a complexity
i understand that
If you feel there is something I'm keeping from you why
don't u just come out and ask that?
Unless you think the answer is something u don't
want to know
Well you'll always have regrets cus u never even asked me so
There you go t
And the answer is what u think
even though it's not...
U never even bothered to stop
and ask about it
You chose to scape route it
with another excuse
So i'm at the point of asking what's the use
of exploring at this point
I'm about to escape this joint
tired of being
the only one making the point
of how i feel
seems like the same ole spiel
day in day out
Arrrgh sometimes i just want to scream, shout
and yell out
it's not fair
cus it really isn't
Imprisoned
by hearts desires
Called a liar
Really?
No judge No jury just sentenced to life
In the end it was your call.
My fall...
a blunder it was
Down side of messing with good ole love.
Always a gamble
Heart sometimes left in shambles
However, when you find the right one they will
make everything all right
So instead of crying I am smiling tonight
Cus I know all though it may seem so far I'm closer
my goals are in sight.
I will put up a great fight
I choose not to settle for anything less than what i have envisioned
That's what created the incision
between my mind and heart
Finishing what i start
Mending my heart
I set the parameters of how much i will take
Knowing my heart i mustn't forsake 
I do whatever it takes
to preserve who i am
Moving right along again
i had to cut away all the phoney "friends"
Those relationships surely had to end
they only bringing mayhem to my life
I guess I was kinda living a lie
Loving someone who never truly was mine
The only one I have is me at the end of the day
So just as sure as I was born in May
I can proudly say
I learned a big lesson in life today!

Rebirthed...Happiness is what you make it!

So since a greater me has been unearthed
I feel a rebirth of my love
Now its more genuine because I now know
how it feels to be loved totally
once i started fully loving me
I love so I know love
I live love and embrace it
Still not understanding why I was afraid to face it
It really doesn't matter because my heart never gives me a choice
Only truly loving the one that makes her rejoice
the one who picks her up when she is down
Changing all frowns to smiles
Even over many miles
My mind has traveled with my heart
it needed a jump start from time to time
I have learned how to explore my inner mind
and rewind to the happier times
This is what helps me thru the rough patches
After wrong matches
Wondering when will it be just right,
if ever
I tuck my sweater in closer to my neck
I think to myself what the heck
have i gotten myself into
realizing there is nothing i can do but take the ride
stop hiding what's buried inside
And finally live the life that i have imagined
who would of fathomed that it would all
lead to this
Me taking a plunge into the abyss?
Sealed with a kiss my fate
Using my heart as bait
 isn't my idea of a good time
Next time let's use yours not mine
Or get me the unbreakable kind
Cus i don't know how much more I can take
But this feeling is one I can't seem to shake
And I don't know why and I really don't care anymore
Because what does it matter
My heart has a mind of its own
That's all my life has shown
So I decided to submit yet again
Just hope this time it doesn't end the way it has been
How could it be when this time we really are friends?
Guess we'll c in the end.
Till then...
I'll keep you posted
This revolution will be televised
Because when i am in love that's something I can't seem to hide
I may hide the players involved
But you can tell I'm in love because i will be heavily charged
with life and love
Expression written all over my face a glow
that can't be replaced
Once I get a taste of Love's essence
a pleasant experience
Deliriously trapped in its clutch
Longing for Love's touch
as it soothes my mental
With it's gentle touch
never too much
always just right
So why fight
it's your fantasy right?
Remember you were always tight
whats different about this night?
Nothing so there is no reason to fear a thing
guess the difference is in being with a man
and being with a king
Enjoy the ride and see what it may bring
is what the me in me told Me.
I agreed and am ready to c just what that
means in reality...
 I finally opened my eyes and finally c
just what happiness can mean for me
It what I make it.

Birth of SoLiloQueen

I found me today
I was so excited
The introduction was...
well it was like I've known me for years
But I hid her due to reoccurring fears
She talked so much
we had a lot of catching up to do
Taking it all in
It was a hard pill to swallow so I decided to chew
it up slowly
I allowed myself to console me
Telling me about how I loved him more
more than I loved her
My life became a blur
because I didn't remember any of that
I guess because I didn't want to
I buried it so deep cus deep inside i knew
what she was saying was really true
At one point I loved him so much that I totally
stop loving who I be
How empty of me
Could I really have deceived myself into
that frame of thinking?
My heart began sinking
After a lot of rethinking I decided
I no longer wanted to live that life
This was what i decided when i grabbed a knife and
began cutting away all the layers that were making my life
harder
Myself gave me a nod no longer a martyr
It let me know that it was in agreement with the new path
I decided to take
I had to make changes because this Earth began to quake
All bad habits began to shake away
Nothing was no longer the same
I even decided to change my name again
Its not a sin
I've just discovered another attribute of me
I guess that was the birth of the SoLiloQueen

Loves Compliment

Sun Kissed Skin

Strong Embrace

Warm Smile

I am honored to bask in his presence

Both of us made from life's essence

I acknowledge my compliment

I will document every moment

from walking with me in my darkest hour

Guiding me thru to the light

Listening to my hopes and dreams

Purging me of my fears

Burning off his ears with tales of my day

Wiping all my tears away with sincere words

spoken at the right time every time

Always kind

even when angered

I'm handled with kid gloves

How can I not be in love?

Its Easy when he is nothing but me

When his perceived love is lacking

That's when I start stacking up on

Self Love reserves

Because all the things he does

is no more than what I can and do for myself

Inner Wealth

is what will always carry u thru

Especially on those times u don't know who loves you

Know that you do.

You will always be true to you.

Don't You Know -- Luther Vandross

A Loveless Affair with Love

I've been having a loveless affair with Love
for some years now
It's been showing up teasing me enticing me to love
But I can't love Love cus Love loves no one
It always shows up at the most inopportune times
You know the times where I have made up my mind
that I wasn't gonna love Love anymore
I promised myself
I thought my word was bond when I said I wasn't going to
love Love
I was so sure this time.
I said I was not going to understand cus that is all Love is
its the highest level of understanding
All the other times I loved Love I didn't have the maturity
to truly understand me
My maturity was certainly lacking because I in the past
confused love for infatuation
So many hesitations
Temptation, I had no problem ignoring
But the love aspect i kept exploring
Delving into the depths of my soul
No longing running, hiding or fearing what has unfold
I became bold
daring on my quest
Loving the loveless became my goal in life
A lot of times bringing me strife
However in the process i learned the difference
between the two
One had nothing to do with the soul at all
Its fleeting and you will certainly take a beating
the other is unconditional
Not fictional
It transcends time and space
It will have you on a chase
however it will never hurt you
That's only something you can do.
Its all in your perception and reception of that divine
force
No matter what course, you decide to take it will show its face
to you
Showing you exactly where you need to be
If only you would just open your eyes and c
what life has in store
Yeah it may seem a chore but it will cause you to grow
and really know, who you are
A Venusian I may be
 I will explore each chamber of me
Step by step learning who is she
This is life's knowledge of self quest
so shall it be
I stopped digging in my heels
Decided to go with the flow of life
Enjoying the beauty of the flowers I c
I feel love, life, freedom as it envelopes me
From stepping inside I finally find out just who really is
she
All I can say there is much more to Equality
than meets the eye
you just gotta wait and c  so sit back and enjoy the ride..

Untitled

My Muse wasn't Amused
So they left
Along with my inspiration
A limitation for me because
It created a block in my creativity
It took away my liberty to write
and explore the inner depths of me
lost expression
A concession made
White flag of surrender
No longer dancing in the splendor of joy's past
Wondering when the first will be last and the last
will be first
Am I cursed?
Sometimes I wonder
Did I blunder in siding with my heart?
Should of known from the start the risk involved
I thought this time Problem Solved
I'll just be truthful
Solid proof  not everyone can handle the truth
Realizing that somethings are better left unsaid
I lie in my bed mentally recanting all things said
I c how i was led by heart not my mind
I guess I know better for the next time
if there is another one

I will come correct
Knowing when to shine and reflect
Learning not to expect
People to understand me or know what i am really feeling
Especially when I am too busy peeling back so many layers
I do feel better despite all the naysayers
I elude a new confidence that I refuse to let anyone shake
It wasn't a piece of cake at all
It took many falls from grace
saving face
being angry and hurt
B.u.t. I hit a growth spurt in my hearts maturity
Invested in more security
Heart free from impurities
It still loves but its under lock and key
To make sure no one hurts me again
Keep it strictly as friends no emotion
means no commotion right?
Well that's what I convinced myself
so nothing matters anymore
No more chambers to explore
I am done with all that
I take back all the layers
Turn back into the Dragon Slayer
No prayers needed
I succeeded in the journey I set out on
Forlorn and worn my heart is resilient
However remains brilliant
A beacon of hope in the sea of despair
My heart repaired.
All Brand New
Now what's left to do?
 set the order
Learn all borders and Proceed with Life...



  

Children At Play

children at play
smiles about
finger painting, jumping rope, dancing
fights about
you took my toy "its not fair" "you drank the whole thing". "you didn't share"
arguments about
"what movie can we watch" "where and what are we going to play today "
but when all is said and done they remain friends to the end
If only Adults knew how to behave the same way

Self Exploration...

I am at a different place in my life.
Funny how life can change you at the most unexpected times.
I still am me but the way I view me has changed
It took for my life to become deranged turned upside down
For me to realize the me-ness of me.
Many times I was displaying the me ness of he or the meanness of she
When life brought me to my knees
I realized who i had to be
I had to be there for me more than I am there for anyone else
It was always hard for me to do for self
I always felt as though I had to aid those in need
Always picking up an extra mouth to feed
Now I have learned to feed myself first
Lo and behold how my wealth has increased
To say the least
I was tired of falling into situations because I stuck my neck out too far to assist
Somehow I just couldn't resist
Ole Mother Theresa is what i was labeled because i was always trying lift up
the disabled
But sometimes that just enabled them to depend on only me
Secondary wife to everybody
A real busy body I became
Attending to others affairs sometimes neglecting mine
Until one day I had to find
a greater sense of self

Now many may not like the new me because I have learned to say no
But if only they knew how far i came and how far i have to go
But one thing I now know is
I love me more than I ever have before
I implore you to explore
your inner depths
Every single chamber
Until there is no remainder
left to love
And I am so proud 
That I finally found and truly love the real me....
Inner exploration is key...

Heart's Betrayal

My heart always seems to betray me when it comes to love
i say this because
 Every time i followed its lead
I always seem to be deceived by myself
Haven't I already learned ?
The last time my heart was burned
i couldn't take it
if  only my heart aint make such a big deal out of nuthin
My chest cavity wouldn't be empty  there would be  something
Pumpin inside
This last incident caused me to run and hide
Maybe i should of just lied
or said nothing at all
Maybe I never should of told him to call
Because that is what started my fall
Listening to his voice
Wishing I made a different choice
when i decided
I thought that he would make a better friend
i tried to hide it
My feelings
cus of what I am feeling today
Maybe something I already knew that day
when i made my decision
 that choice became my vision
Mental distorted as i analyzed
 all the other chics he aborted
Even though those choices i supported
knew they didn't make the batch
Never truly finding  his match
Life of a bachelor s
o many he attracts
But chooses none
out only for fun
And that's the one, i pick?
how sick my mind must be
always attracting those that can't be totally be available for me
Is it cus I haven't been totally there for myself?
I'm there for everyone but me
Now I'm finally beginning to c
How damaging that lifestyle can be
So i promise to take time out for me
It don't even matter if he picked she
I'll be  too busy working on the new me 
To attract the better he for me
And that's the way it suppose to be...
And I feel Good!

Distant Love Crime

Why does truth hurt now?
I remember when truth felt so good
that i chose it as a name
i wore it proudly on my chest
Until that day i confessed
What was hidden in my heart
Then that's when the pain of truth began to start
I thought how empty of me to be so full of he
It really jostled me
Because the response wasn't expected
I felt as though I was standing there naked
Exposing my soul for you to see
But u didn't believe me
How I let my heart deceive me
into thinking
opening up was a good idea
I finally got over my fears, so i thought
Only to be left standing with tears hoping not to get caught crying
For my greatest fears have appeared before my eyes
I wasn't lying about my heart
Severing the ties that bind
It made me feel so so empty inside
I even tried to lie to myself and tell myself that i didn't feel the way i felt
I just needed a little help
Some acknowledgement from you
U just left me with my own thoughts and words to chew on
Which lead me to a revelation
Maybe you just represented temptation
Infatuation perhaps
I would agree if I could find something you lacked
Trying to keep my ego in check
I chose from the middle of the deck
And decided to walk away
No matter what my heart may say
this time I'm just going to have to love u from far away
from the sanctuary of my mind.
Love and Truth have committed yet another crime!
Let's see how this investigation unwinds...

How can u find Mr Right with Mr. Wrong Tagging Along?

Winter frost sets in
on a place where the soul begins and ends
Burning sands
touch hands in foreign lands
Faces familiar
Hearts ignited
An Eternal Flame
Whose to blame?
Time?
Me?
You?
Does it even matter?
Real words lost in idle chatter
I rather express how i truly feel 
but the zeal escapes me
Why be so hasty?
Why don't u just face me?
Your  not the only one scared
I am too
Thats y i'm frozen as to what to do
I won't stress it
I've already addressed it
Bout time for me to move on
I'm tired of singing that tired ole song
I have neva been the one to say i was wrong
In this instance it is apparently the case
A hard pill to swallow let alone taste
Whats the sense?
Why waste ur life?
There are so many people that just might do u right
Have fun but keep the horizon in site
u can't be running 'round with mr. wrong expecting mr. right

Turtle

Decisions to be made
Looking at all the cards that have been laid  down
Separating the real from the fake
I sit and wait
I here no sound
I look around and see there is only me
I have to draw a card to see
what the future will hold for me
There were previous cards picked
But somehow it just didn't click with my style of life
So this time I affirm to do things right
Pondering on past hurts I thought to myself
Why did I choose that path is it because of what i felt?
I thought the grass
looked greener on the other side
Shouldn't have listened to the other guys they apparently lied
Not realizing all I had to do was water the grass
on my own side more often
I laid my coffin,
And as soon as i hopped that gate
A Pit bull came out and it was all to late
for me to break away
My friends ran in and asked me if i was okay
I said I was
but i really wasn't
Sometimes I have a tendency of saying it was when it wasn't
I had to conceal my pain.
I guess I didn't want to be looked at as lame
For allowing trivial things to hurt me
but the big issues I some time don't even see
Well consciously'
that is
Most people think ohh there's the nice lady with the kids
But if they lift the lid
they will c that there is so much more to SoLiLoQueen
Unconsciously it eats me up inside
The Pain
I just know it hurt me and I am not the one to cry
This time I did...  .
Depending on friends asking him and them
made me realize
that the only one u need is the u on the inside.
That person really won't lie to u
They know all the crap
u have been thru in life
Yet they still stick around to watch u finally get it right
And its alright if that's all u have in the end
Remember, before anything else be your own best friend
I made my home on my back so  I can always begin again..

Life is about...

Looking back at treasures received
It can easily mislead
you about future success
Pining over what u did yesterday won't
relieve u of today's mess!

How do you get to where you were yesterday?
 It was all based on what u did that day
However, today
u mustn't delay
Do away,
with the fear
Your goal is oh so near

And I have no doubt
you will find your route
'Cus that's what life
is all about!

It Takes A Village...

How many children will be left behind?
They only require that you share your mind
But we rather walk around pretending to be blind
until we find
that same kids we chose to ignore
decided to rob the corner store
Now you are ready to explore, the cause
after they started breaking the laws
you know the problem  just as you knew it when it was being created
remember when you innocently stated
it wasn't your problem and
you had no desire to solve them
Now you want to condemn the parents
when  it was clearly apparent
that they needed help
for it takes an entire village to raise a child
So don't complain if they become wild
when you took no hand in raising them
I don't wanna hear u crying Victim
These children are the real victims
raised in a system
where wisdom
isn't given or or imparted
and you wonder why they are so guarded
their growth and development became retarded
from something their elders started
caught up in the local drama
children raising themselves
or their grandmamas
whose too tired to put up with the demands of such a role
they lose control
and we all lose
So I choose to deal with the future problems today
Too critical for there to be a delay
The future is only a second away

Emotional Being

Really?

Why do I have to be called emotional?

Am I to be non emotional?

Cold and indifferent

When someone hurts me i'm not suppose to show any signs of pain or regret?

How lame is that?
to have Emotion is to Feel

Feel pain Feel hurt

Joy and Happiness
I am proud to emote
I am proud to be an Emotional being
It shows that i'm seeing
with my heart
and expressing that love in its full purity
Unconditionally
Just like the love o have for me... 

Coincidence?!?!

There is no such thing as a coincidence
In every incident
there is a chance for
growth
whether experience is perceived as good or bad
both can afford you the opportunity to elevate
Opportunity to penetrate
the veil of deception
cast by our fixation with past pain
You must remember to reclaim
yourself
Take your pride off the shelf
And wear it proudly
Proclaim loudly
That you love who you are
no matter how bizarre
others may think you are
undoubtedly u are a star
So shine thru the night
Hug yourself real tight
And love yourself like never before
Explore your inner depths
take baby steps
if necessary
be discretionary
in the decisions that u make
in this world it's about give and take
Sometimes even heartbreak
but u can't let that take
u off the square
Keep going your halfway there!

Hello!? ( WITH A SMILE ｡◕‿◕｡ )

I said goodbye to yesterday
Said hello to today
My new life begins this time in June not May
I said all I had to say about the pain
The Rain has washed it all away
And
TODAY IS THE DAY
 I let total positivity lead the way
I believe in me and I am happy
I am proud
I will scream it loud
I LOVE ME AND THERE IS NO OTHER PERSON
I'D RATHER BE!

Good Bye!

Trials and Tribulations show you
who can actually weather the storm
Funny how wrong
I was in my prediction
Realizing all the friction
Making sure I speak in perfect diction,
this time
I'm tired of all the fiction
 you my friend, are a walking contradiction
But can i blame you?
Surely I can't tame you
Wasn't even trying to
just look at all the others that turn u on
Wonder why ur relationships didn't last so long
Maybe you should just listen to some of Luther's songs
to figure out just what to do
and how to get along
with the opposite sex
Its not that complex
But brothers act like its so hard
They rather sit back as their love retards
from lack of attention
they have no clue what to do
 to make it new
or the cause of the dissension 
I know what to do
I'll just Leave as part of my Ascension

A New Lesson

Funny how people forget about yesterday
All they are concerned about is what u did for them today...
Makes me wish i didn't pine my yesterday away
with doing favors that folks never intend to repay 
If i didn't know then
I know today

Distorted Imagery

Should I compromise my happiness for the sake of someone else's
Why does one feel the need to do so
Is it because they mistake happiness for ego
gratification
Cancelled all vacations!
because I am working on self
Can't compromise the wealth I've gained
I'm so far into the game
to quit
I am so over it!
Feeling so sad and blue not realizing the
only one that can truly make u happy is u
Which is me
Equality
The Soliloqueen
Some say I am mean
but I am still me
don't they only realize they only have seen
only one facet of me
I am not who they think they c
Maybe the reason may be
Is the way that I am displaying me
Guarded by walls placed to protect me
From all the pain and hurt that was
inflicted by he and she
Making me feel as though
I no longer want to stay
I don't want to leave
but people think I have something under my sleeve
when the only thing I wear on my sleeve
Is my heart
That has gotten beaten up
 a lot
However I repaired it
Over and over again
Realizing that my heart
is more resilient than my mind
I keep running the bad events
over and over they are all one of a kind
So that means that there is something
wrong with me
apologizing to he and she
and then to the world
I have grown into a woman
No longer a little girl
I realized that the picture
is ohh so bigger than that
pain that was felt,  i definitely remember that
it hurt to the depth of my soul
Some lessons won't be learned 'til the days of old
Some that I have learned aren't to be told

Does hurt have a fast forward button?

I learned not to share your heart
It's like putting the horse before the cart
Don't even know where to begin
let alone start to tell you
How I feel right now
I'll just say
The ones that can bring u up can also bring u down
Painful lesson I had to learn
Who u call your friends u must truly discern
Oh how the tides can turn
Thats why i don't let it burn me
Cus one thing i can c, but they obviously can't

This is all to teach me
What i should and what I shan't
 the real meaning of chant and meditation
A cessation of self destructive habits
Still haven't mastered who i let inhabit
my heart
Easily seen if u can chart
my path
Ready to be first
Tired of being last
Do the same thing expect the same results
So in the future
I'm going to make sure that my heart consults
my mind in the beginning
Save me from spending
 my time on mindless pursuits
entertaining those with self serving agendas
I'm ready to surrender
tired of all the pretenders
that want to play games with my heart
Something I always wish I knew in the start
Maybe I wouldn't feel like i feel right now
But today I make a vow
to self
To always value my inner wealth
Never sell ur self short
Lessons taught
late but oddly on time...

Home (Inspired by Stephanie Mills)

What I considered "home" wasn't
 Home to me
It's not the same city
It doesn't look the same
It didn't look familiar 
Yet it had the same name
All the buildings and people have changed
There was a time where I knew everyone's name
Now I feel strange
The further I travel away
It's harder for me to say
that i have a home
I took to writing these poems
and discovered
home is wherever i choose it to be
I clicked my heels 3 times and still didn't c
It took a few more heartbreaks for me to agree
That Home was really inside of me
So I moved in yesterday...
However, there wasn't any furniture
I only had a cot
However, it was a place where all the bad memories
could finally be forgotten
Like the Reparation givers forgot about us picking cotton
Wonder why we have gotten
like this
No sense of home
can make one seem alone
In a room full of friends
Cus in the end
There is No Place Like Home
Place where true love is always shown
even if it is disguised
in toughness
It stands the test of time
That's my Litmus and Gauge
So tonight I'll let Stephanie take stage
and sing my song...

Click Here To listen to the Song That Inspired This Piece on Grooveshark

For Those With You Tube Access Click Here

I'm in a TX state of Mind!

I figured out why u didn't talk to me
Just remember when u assume
 u make an ass out of u and me
Investigations don't always reveal
sometimes it clouds what is to be seen
Why bother with someone that can't bring the problem to me
I guess the obvious answer is u were just making a excuse
To deduce
my significance
No coincidence
After all the stormy incidences
I wake up and realize
sometimes the best thing to do is
Bring Your Self Up
The only one that truly knows everything about me
Is my bestie
the person that u c standing before u
I was so upset I couldn't even call u
And tell u how I felt
I realized no sense crying over milk spelt
I rather live in the bible belt
At least down here i'm treated with svelte
reverence
In time I'll realize the reason for the severence

whose to blame for the pole game

I used to be so judgemntal
I replaced it with sentiment
Living in tenements
Raised by MTV
shockingly
Amazement to me 
Little girls learning how to twerk
No longer learning how to read or write
The pole is the only thing they know how to work
How did it come to this u ask
Men over glorifying women's ass-ets?
Telling them the only thing they were interested in
was making it wet?
Make it rain ?
Man's pockets get drained
Getting paid top dollar to get undress
Life a straight mess
But whose to blame?
Is it the men who get turned on by sex?
Or is it the women that use it to get checks?
At some point the cycle will end
meantime they will be continuing
dropping it like its hot
making it pop
Self Esteem Shot
bills need to be paid
So The hustle won't stop...
I understand so I never condemn
Maybe cus it happened to a friend
So that softened me in the end.

Winter Again

So its winter
I get fitted for my sherling coat
You may be laughing
but the cold is no joke
However, this time I decided to do right & write
Cus after our last fight...
 i learned u got to be ready for the vicissitudes of
the seasons
They can change with no rhyme or reason
So make sure u dress for the weather
So if that means wearing an extra sweater, a scarf and gloves
I'm prepared for what it is
or what it once was
So i'll c u in the spring
Or during whatever warm front the weather decides to bring

L.O.V.E. L.I.F.E !!!

Live
On
Virtue
Everday

Love
Inimately
Find
Eternity

Little Red Hen

Innocent or so it seemed
To be the leader of the team
When times get rough
I had to get tough
to the point i'm not tender anymore
So the inner depths had to be explored
When I went inside i saw
all the fun i have been missing
i was too busy slaving in the kitchen
Getting the kids off to school
Taking care of everyone else became my mission
 I began to neglect the person that made it all click
I was the most crucial person that needed to be fixed
So I shut down the fix it shop
And made myself the top, priority
Cus I learned that I was there for others
b.u.t. no one was there for me
When I was down on my luck nobody
came over to c me
if there was anything I needed
The moral of the story
Read the title and u will c it

Love Unrequited (A letter to Self)!

Sometimes Silence Speaks louder than words
Feeling peoples vibrations
Listening to the song of the trees to some is absolutely absurd
so it seemed
Until I listened one day
And Guess what I heard the wind and willow say?
There's been a confirmation that your soul loves me
Nothing can keep them apart bonded
thru love eternally...
Just waiting for the day u will c
Then it will be too late and unrequited from me.
So enjoy the now is just how i c it
Love i realized u just have to be it...
                   

 

Soliloqueen...

Soliloquy
Say it with me...
So lil o Queen
New name discovered so it seems...
I got to play with it
Tell u what I come up with...

Ego Sacrifice

Ego Sacrifice is hard
When u haven't mastered
the person inside
One thing a Ego can't ever hide
is the sad and hurt person who dwells inside
Cus that type of person is the only one Ego will live with...

Thank You

When the block is lifted

Moods are shifted

Pen is raised

I take stage

I hear the applause

And I bow humbly.

 

Coffee for diabetics

How do you like your coffee
with sugar and creme?
No i'll have mine with agave
No diabetes with my caffeine 

Shared Heart

Does my righteousness offend you
Is my empathy rude
Is my sincerity
the reason for your 'tude

You said you sought righteousness and
someone refined
Then why do u seem so afraid of my mind

I know you are used to the ignorant kind
Maybe that's the reason you continue to seek and still can't find, me
'cus i'm right here
Not over there

Although it may be hard
I'm still willing to share
My heart with you
It has been broken b.u.t. finally repaired
and at that precise moment u suddenly appeared

Now I thought is this a joke?
Before my heart caught fire I
noticed the smoke
Which i confused for steam
How innocent flirtation does seem
Then next thing you know I was double teamed
By love and ego
They had me at the same time
It didn't help the fact that both of them were foine
Only one really had my mind

However in the end one remained mine
and the other disappeared
That was a time that i had often feared
Many nights my eyes teared
My heart was seared to be
Burnt by ur love it had to be
replaced with a donor
until the old one was repaired and returned
to its rightful owner
which i found out it happened to be no other than I
despite all the tattoos they were
all contributing to the lie
'cus
My heart belongs to me
 I just so happened to share it with you.
can't u c
And If things get too bad
i know what to do
However, even if I go
I want u to always know
That I love you and always did.

My conscience is conscious...

My conscience is quite conscious
Sometimes to my demise
Never comfortable with the telling of lies
Especially when they are told to me
I know thats just ur way of protecting me
I respect that you love me enough not to hurt
me with your dealings
At the same time don't forget that I have feelings too
They are not all reserved for you
Just remember when you do what you do
keep me informed
So i can adjust
Don't look at it as an option
look at it as a must
Make things more amicable
and easier between us
I know i have a tendency to sometimes fuss
B.u.t. that is just because i don't know whats
going on with u or us.
So as I quietly reflect
As thoughts collect
Just how much effect you still have on my
existence
Maybe that's the cause of all the resistance
I know you must  feel it too
I've  had too have known you
from a previous time
because every since you've entered my life
you never left my mind.

Toys

What's the point of having all the toys
if no one will play with you!
Makes play time seem awfully dull!
If u didn't get it then rest assured
in time u will know...♥

Understanding...

Time and space can't create a barrier
for my love of understanding
Although life has been demanding
It always comes to show just how far i've gone
and just how far I must go

Vengeance is never good!

Why do some people feel as though
another person's happiness
causes them so much  pain
To the extent of defaming characters
You wan to try to ruin my name?
How profane can that be, built on lies
your only goal is to make others unhappy
Why cus you aren't happy?
Just as quick as it came it went
Mad at the time wasted wishing it was better spent
You should of went left instead  you went right
Misery loves company
Not I
Not tonight
What you should have realized
that u were criticizing
me the same time u
were pursuing me
That is why we couldn't be
So Please, spare me the agony!
When we were together all u did was belittle and badger me
Now that its over and done
Although a short run
You want to drain my life of  all the fun
I guess the ole adage there is nothing new under the sun
is true
But if you think your behavior would ever
make me want to be wit u again
Think again my friend !

Spring Fever!

I may have lost the fight
But I refuse to lose the battle
Some people look at love as sheeting and shallow
I don't
I now know its something that must be nurtured
It is there for the seeker and the searcher
B.u.t. if u get too close
It surely can hurt u
I've been hurt by Love
Only when I didn't understand
Not knowing how love is
However, when I began to have kids
I learned how unconditional it could be
Or when i lost my best friend
when he died it tore me apart
To be pained knowing the ones closest to my heart
can be ripped away
i learned to love
Love like nobodies business
Its hard to explain i guess u just have to live this
Life the way I've seen it
Many times my love has been put to the test
However, after all the mess it seemed
That my love is the only one that remained true
I finally realized love never left the moment I looked at you
Or the faces of those that i love
Love is an entity that can inhabit anything at
any given time
So i can never say Love is truly mine
But i can pretend...
What gives me solace is knowing that
Love is the only one that truly knows me
Why?
Cause out of everyone and everything it never left me.
My thoughts were consumed by its effect in my life
It walked with me
Everyday, lived with me
day and night
even though at times it hurt
me it also made sure i was alright
it made me who i be and
who i am
Love always seems to have the master plan
Won't even let me have a say
So I give up the reins
My friends already think I'm insane
So it's okay...
I guess that's why until today
My attachment to Love won't seem to go away
The trials of being born in May

Got in a fight with love and lost

I have begun to realize that
Love is no one's friend
It has a self serving purpose
Even though all can benefit from love
Love doesn't compromise
It walks in
It walks out
Its sometimes unrequited
Many have tried but few can actually fight it
I know I can't

Get Back Up Again!

Discipline and Restraint is key
Balancing the scales of Equality
Realizing that everything that appeals to me
May not be for me
In my life's story the words/images aren't always
filled with glory
I seem to always pick the challenges
cus the other stuff bores me
However, the book hasn't ended
there are  more chapters to explore
B.u.t. not even sure if my heart can even take
too much more.
They say God won't give u more than u can bear
A lot of times i wonder if he is even there
My life can be so unfair.
However, I must like this cus I'm still here
for the long haul
But i'll be damned if i sit up here waiting for a call
I have one life so I'm going to have a ball
And If I fall
I'll just pick myself up again!



 

3rd eye vision (Sun & Moon in the 12th)

Those with eyes can c
how equality will always be equality
and knows that everything u c
what it could mean and what it truly means to me
Complex meanings to simple thoughts
Giving only information sought
There's nothing to see here
keep moving right along
Taking time out to write my song
After I'm done everyone is gonna want to sing along
And I'll say I'll think about it

From A Distance...

And people wonder why I shield Love away from the world
It all started with a habit I learned as a young girl
See Love is not something you just give away
Sometimes its not even for display
Yes even though to others dismay
Sometimes the best way to love someone is from
far away...

Everybody plays the fool

I have inner visions like stevie
Wondering if when i look inside
do i c me
or do i c the clone of who i use to be
I am love and all that it embodies
So why every time it comes around i feel
like it robbed me
Of a piece of myself
Cus the love that i had is the real wealth
So rather than give it away
I rather share
Because like the alpha and omega
it will always be here
'Cus in order for there to be life
There has to be love
Love is one of the most purest things in existence
So why do so many people resist it?

Love Unconditionally

To love unconditionally
that's what they say
will make the world a better place
However, can one truly do that?
I don't think love should be unconditional
At one time I thought that but realized
Love always comes with conditions and when those
conditions aren't met
She will let you know
I have come so far but have so long to go
Its hard to figure out Love's direction
It never keeps the same course
 disappearing
reappearing
in the strangest places
it's nearly impossible to know the way
or all the faces it will don
With Desires to hold on
 knowing good and well
I have to let go
of all my inhibitions
so many acquisitions
My heart full of incisions
I envision
what submission
looks like
and it didn't look the same
as it did that night cus
I didn't have to give up my name
Actually I didn't have to give up anything
except my expectations of a particular outcome
Once I discarded that I saw all the fun
life could really be
Discovery
can I love unconditionally anyone
other than my family and I
wondering
If I can transfer this Love to all of mankind
Well let's just start with those close
Then we'll leave the ones i hate the most
to the end
I don't even have to make them my friends
love 'em from a distance
till  amends
can be made
New Rules Adapted Cus I'm Tired of Getting Played!

as above so below

Sitting here watching you

watching me

Do u c what i c

Maybe not
'Cus while i c the forest

u just seem to c the trees

A greater picture so it seems 

to be needed 
in order for you and i to carry on

You told me that things would be different

this difference 

is not what i had in mind at all

Since when can the heart 
be divorced from the mind

It can't !

So I have decided to continue my education

Its been such a loooooong long vacation

However, even during this stint I learned a lot

I learned my likes and dislikes

I can honestly say I earned every stripe

And I am doing quite alright

I learned what feels good and what doesn't

I even learned what i thought was real

really wasn't

I'm now studying sciences i never took the time to explore

During this journey I learned life is about so much more

than in the past what i was willing to explore

That isn't going to happen anymore

I charted my path

Self Fulfill- ment 

Fulfill you is key 

So naturally 
I dusted off my map 

brushed up on my math

Plotted my path with a promise that

the world will see my wrath 

B.u.t. this time
I'm moving slow not fast
An even pace

You c I'm waging a war using love

not rage

The world has become my stage

I can't escape its clutch no longer in

Control like Janet

this was also confirmed by the stars and planets

As above, so below

Your life has been charted

Only those in the know know.

If you really want to grow

Look to the heavens
your path will show.

What Life Has Taught Me!

Smile warms me like the sun warms the earth
Eyes shimmering with ambitious concentration
Hiding the pain of an arduous past
Not havinga too many people they can call friend
Cautious to begin again
I've seen you before says he
Way before you became Equality
How could that be
Let me see
I had to search my mind
a long journey thru time
to reveal a place where we met before
A painful place where I seldom explore
However I was implored to do so
And don't you know the place of pain
No longer seemed the same
I needed to go back to reclaim
my throne
Understanding all the disrespect shown
is because I didn't give my attention
to all who sought after me or told them
we just couldn't be
So why stay away from your city?
All because of the heartbreak committee?
Some guys can act so pretty
if u know what i mean =D
The same ones that were trying out for the team
Didn't make the cut now want to plot
I peeped your scheme
And you wonder why I'm so mean

As the painful memories disappeared again
the only thing i can remember is seeing him
Remembering that scent of cologne I used to
smell.
In the breeze when he walked by
My eyes begin to swell i started to cry
it was the cause of my deception
I realized i missed my call
As I traced my steps over my fall, from grace
you should of seen my face
i now know what victory could taste like
and i know where i went wrong
Finally understanding after listening to my own song
I may never even totally get it right
But what i learned last night, was this:
The race isn't always to the one that's fast or even to the swift
Its to the one that can last
So realizing all my hells came from the
lack of endurance on my behalf


Sometimes you just have to slow down
and see all of the beautiful colors in life as they are today
Enjoy the now
The future will always be a step away
So I sit
Basking in the sun's rays
Counting my blessings
I am amazed
At the how each decay
makes way
for new beginnings
Lucky for me this game included extra innings 
And I stay forever winning
Because no matter the outcome
I know, i will always receive the tools
for the way I must go
How do I know?
Life has taught me so

Wish Me Well!

i actually thought i needed your approval to be me
you see maybe when i was 3
that was needed
But I'm not that age
I am grown
I make my own decisions
Something I waited to do my entire life
but first thing I did was jump up and become somebody's wife
How could i now jump up and be apart of u
when i haven't even learned the solo parts of me
Exploration is the only key
My brother once again had to school me
And give me the low down about men
From that phone call all i can say is
 I'm ready to begin, again
That's why it's good to have those really really good friends
They will tell u no lie
Truth raw and adulterated is what they and I live by
My feelings sometimes do get hurt
That's natural
when u have honest discussions
However the greater repercussion
is the sense of awareness that's gained
From sharing the things that have pained, me
this life has humbled and tamed me
All though I do get threats if the wisdom granted doesn't show
One thing I do know, is
I am loved by those that count the most
those are the ones that tolerate me being so verbose lol
But somehow they still c thru the heart of the matter
They have enforced my heart
this time ensuring it doesn't shatter
And I am grateful
I am truly blessed
I am ready and finally prepared for the rest of my life
It won't be easy but I'm ready to fight!
Wish me well, I am finally on tonight!

Born with a Wooden Spoon in My Mouth (written earlier today)

I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth
But acquired one throughout the years...
It did make the soup taste different
However, i still liked the old wooden spoon too
The wooden spoon had heritage and culture
The silver spoon tasted like metal but the food was just as good
Confused I discarded my silver spoon thinking the wooden one had made the food better
Then one day the wooden spoon broke and for some reason we couldn't fix it
Then I wished I had the silver one back
So I went in the garage and found it on a rack
B.u.t. the silver one had turned black
It was tarnished
It no longer wanted my company
Because it felt with the wooden spoon I'd rather be
Didn't realize that the only reason I didn't keep it in the first place
because it was different
I was used to eating from the wooden spoon
But then later I realized that eating with the silver spoon made my food taste
better to me.
The silver spoon made me feel at  home
So I kept it in the same spot
the wooden spoon use to be
Now this is the one I will keep dear to me
because all I had to do was
polish it  shining looking all brand new 
It was no longer tarnished
Although in my heart I kept
the lessons taught from the wooden
spoon.
So I no longer feel remorse

No Expectations!

Why do people hurt people?
I've realized in some instances it's inevitable
Damned if u do
Damned if u don't
So how do you not hurt someone?
Cus its either them or you
Someone is going to play the role of the fool
However, I rather be hurt by truth than lies
'Cus lies tend to hurt more when the truth is revealed
And I thought I could shield my heart from pain
in both instances to no avail
Only recourse, I had was to toughen up
See the only way you can get hurt is to have expectations
If you go in a situation, expecting nothing and only accepting whats
acceptable you can walk away with a clear heart and conscience too
However, if you walk in with expectations
you will walk away with frustrations
and realizations that that situation
didn't go the way you envisioned
What  do you do then,
Pick up a pen?
or do you just cry?
All hurt because the person told u a lie?
'Cus you expected another result and got something else?
Hardly makes sense to me
You took him for his word rather than 4 yourself  c
You didn't realize that until u squandered your health
you should of tapped in to that inner wealth
All that time and energy spent
As quickly as he came, is as quickly as he went
Keep running with those that won't give you 100%
You'll be setting yourself up for a fall
When u didn't even have to go thru it at all
Instead of constantly examining what it is he has to say
Look at how he operates and treats you day to day
When your heart and mind blend the path will show
You have to be smart enough to know which way to go!

String

Dangling by a string
I sometimes wonder will it pop
Or will the string holder eventually
STOP!
Playing games with my emotions
Realizing I am the one with that key
the only way someone can play with me
is by me giving them full access to me
so u c
i know what i'll do
I'll  pack them away
Now what games can they play?
None.
Don't start none
Won't be none!
 My heart is fragile and I  have just one
I was serious
I told u when this all begun
So if u were here just to have fun
thats fine
Just know my mind will not come with that divine
So in time if i find someone that waters these flowers growing from
my mind
you will be reminded u had ur time

Guarded Against Heart Break

Recalculating my steps
Realizing I missed one along the way
Not sure what journey I want to take today
Do I go back and pick up the one I lost along the way
Or do i continue on my path
In the past when i went back it was to pick up
someone already along for the ride
But this one was left on the other side
Sun & Moon were eclipsed that day
However, today the old passengers aren't the same
they have grown older and  their ways have changed
What used to be an amicable greeting turns into a chore
That ole spark doesn't have the same lore...
But ironically it seems to offer so much more
I guess it's because I have grown and my needs matured
I'm no longer looking at life as a struggle anymore
It is a time to be spent enjoying ur days
So i am going to do just that
No more living with regrets
Worrying about problems that probably won't
even come into fruition
That's the key to heartbreak everytime
Learned the lesson already moved on...
It no longer fits this ignition.
I have guarded myself with the latest
safety equipment known to man
And when that all fails I will make use of these hands...lol

Sometimes you have to submit in order to grow...

How could this be

Someone with more powers over me than me

I don't believe in submission 

or so i thought

Then I learned whether u believe in it or not

It will show u its power

I thought i had control

over everything in my verse

i was confused

baffled by the circumstances

Realizing that even strong people sometimes  submit

Sometimes its necessary 

We will c

But I know next time I got to hide that submission

key in a better location.

I remember the last time it was found

and lets just say i wasn't happy with the results

However, i'm older and wiser now and have learned

from my past mistakes and those that i haven't i am getting a firm refresher course to my dismay

and u thought i said all that i had to say 

However, if u walk away thinking i don't get it 

i don't think i have said enough

Don't think me acknowledging submission 

wasn't going to be rough

i haven't had to do it for so long

So sometimes its hard to switch up and sing a brand  new song

However, I am
My journey has just begun
So please have patience with me it will be fun

Cus, I decided to just enjoy the ride of my life

Submission sometimes is key if u want to do it just right, Right?

Do the same thing expect the same results 

Well I have grown tired of said results and willing to

grow up and give up the reigns and see whats in store

Playing it safe all the time can sometimes really be a bore

So i am ready to explore

and do things your way

Doing it my way has me where I am today 

Even though its okay 

it could be a lot better

So i'll pack a sweater for when things get cold 

And sun block for when u get too hot 4 me

So why not

Give it time and you'll c the real equality

And realize that I'm everything u first saw in me

I submit ♥ ♥ ♥

Yes I know I was wrong
 I'm not perfect
i know u are teaching me about having restraint
i learned my lesson
i can prove it.

i submit

(Lessons received from God)

Empathetic Writer

Sometimes when I can't talk I find solace in writing
helps me clear my mind and I'm able to express
what can't be discussed verbally
However, sometimes even when I write
I can't express how i feel
Sometimes all I can do is just that, feel
I may scribble some words on a piece of paper
meanwhile constantly censoring my thoughts
wondering
did i write too much
did i write enough
did i write my thoughts clear
is my audience paying attention
do they even care
I care too deep to even write
So all I can do is cry... 

Broken Hearted...

how did my heart get broken again
This time I had it in a display that was boobie trapped
guarded by lasers behind a lead door buried in a undisclosed location.
So how could it happen
The heart needs to be made out of the material the black box on planes are made of
then maybe it can be pieced back together
I've tried everything from tape to crazy glue
Nothing seems to be able to fix it back brand new
Every time i place it back
somebody always wants to come by and give it a whack.
So what am i to do about that?

A Better Me A Better We

When two souls intermingle and intertwine
one mind is formed for that moment
all time stands still
a heightened feeling of euphoria
But one does not know from whence it came
but submits to its powers just the same
How can a person have an effect on your moods
like the sun and moon have an effect on our planet.
What causes this to be u may ask
was this some connection based on something left over from the past
life or is this ur future  husband or wife
perhaps its just something to enjoy in the now
in order to determine
whats best for u must know how and what state u want to live in
past, present or future they all sometimes overlap
but the final outcome
only a few ever know
 but most aren't tellin
 because they are too busy living a lie themselves.
So my advice is plain and simple learn from the lessons of the past
live in the present
with a eye firmly fixed on the future
And u will certainly make it
If you stay fixed on any one of these three aspects too long
Beware of the harm
that will certainly befall u.
If u remember this key
u will always know what to do.
This is the formula to creating a better u!
A Better Me!
A better We!

Am I living in Vain?

Why does one make the association with a crushed ego and  broken heart
they are not one in the same if so one must still learn to reveal the true cause of their pain...

Love loves no one but everyone loves Love. (Go figure)

Love Love Love Love Love
You did it to me again
I don't even know what u are
where did u come from
how did u got here
sometimes i don't know
why  i keep letting u back in
and we are suppose to be friends
its like i love u more than u love me
ur name is such a contradictory experience
and u want to walk hand and hand with hate
love is to understand and hate is to misunderstand
and somewhere in
between lies the hurt
That's the part that hurts the most
cus i totally understand
However,  i am still hurt at the results
B.u.t.  I respect the honesty of Love
more than anything else
which makes me love Love even more
How demented is that u ask
It can seem that way however love is not just something
u can just ask to go away plus
I gave my word and that's something I can't ever take back
So it is what it is...
Love will always have me trapped!

In Control!

Being a jumpoff is something I can't consciously
nor unconsciously be
All that will do is cheapen my divinity
Something I totally can't ever c
God is reflected all thru me
What's in the dark comes to the light
Is what they say
I was taught early in life to value my temple and
save it for that special day
For that special one
And it was suppose to be fun
but what if that special one isn't so special after all
Matter of  fact suppose he is just like all of the rest
Would u give him the time and still put him to the test?
Quality over quantity is what ive been told
lessons i will take into ages of old.
my heart has been bought and resold too many times
for me to still trip over life's minor upsets
My heart is constantly in pieces is my only regret
for i have come to realize that i am in love with the idea of being in love
My final destination is something i have to accept and
anything that doesn't fall
into that parameter I must reject
or suffer the consequences
Broken hearted loneliness and despair are dismal places and
i don't want to be left alone to live there
I did that already and moved on for a reason
Now it's a new season
I'm Singing a brand new song in life its called "I am in control"
So Don't Make Me Lose It...

Control

Where do broken hearts go?

The down side of being single for me is there are

to many destinations for these wings to fly

however i can no longer live a lie

is there a such thing as freedom w/ restraints

i long to be free however when i get to high
my fear of heights kicks in

then next thing u know im someones girlfriend

but never the situation, i truly envisioned

my heart has too many incisions

my eyes are all cried out

Ive tried to scream and even to shout

none of things help to repair me

that's the part that always seems to scare me

until i realized that frightened lil girl inside
 was surrounded by frightened people

that were burdened with pain

 some u can see it plain
some u have to dig further 

Then we can truly began to heal one another

one by one sister and brother

I am comfortable in my role
 so i was the one to console, myself 

and that's who i fully trust

i have a lot of reservations about  putting my heart on display

and that is reflected in the words i choose/chose to say 

and sometimes they remain unsaid

because life has taught me to wear sturdy armor

I must be on the look out for all those charmers.

 they will be there with tricks in their bags

but they are just out to shag

so be on guard for the signals u put out there
for once misinterpreted 

it can lead to ones demise. 

Don't get misled by anyone's lies.
This message revealed will surely make you rise